The Psychology of Online Dating

Online dating draws many types. Which type you are can determine whether it works for you.

Many people date online nowadays. I myself once used Yahoo! Personals and met my wife through it. But there are many such as Match.com, or any other in the plethora of websites promising love with whipped cream and a cherry on top. I was single for many years, I got married late. My lovely wife and I made our vows in 2002 when she was 25 and I 33.

Then comes marriage?

We got married in Las Vegas at the Chapel of the Bells just across the strip from the Luxor where we had our one night honeymoon. Our relationship started online through Yahoo! Personals but in my late 20’s and early 30’s I tried a few online services and learned the psychology behind many of the people who use them. It’s quite curious.

Some people just want sex, plain and simple.

These are the animal urge types. For any number of reasons, these folks want to “hook up” and not “hang out.” It might be due to anger at a past relationship partner or it might be just satisfying primal urges. These people are no different than the ones who hang out at nightclubs hoping to “score.” The online services are great for these people, especially since they can make the nature of their interest quite clear from the get go … no surprises. It’s people like this that tend to give online dating a bad name for us folks wanting to simply meet a potential spouse. But, as long as they are transparent about their intentions, I can’t complain that these people use the services.

Yet others are looking for a someone to date.

These are the most admirable. They are patient. They make their profile complete. These people want to date and get to know someone before it gets serious. They meet in a public place and discuss things with each other before making the choice to go to a higher level. Often these people end up happily married. I’d see myself when I was on the service as one of these or the next one: marriage-bound.

And finally, some are looking for marriage.

These are the people who for whatever reason have decided they must get married. Often online dating is bad for these people because they are so desperate that people take advantage of them. But I say, if two people who are hungry to be married get together this way and are happy with one another, what bad is there in that?

I’ve been on a few different services through the years and attribute Yahoo! Personals for helping me find my wife.

What image do you have of online dating and have you tried it?

Author: Damien Riley

I'm a blogger, film critic, & podcaster with an MA in English from California State University, Fullerton. I teach public school, 4th grade as my primary occupation. My views on films and life are usually headstrong and often 'left of center' on movies and life, but I have respect for the other side. I married my high-desert princess (now my queen). We have 3 children.

7 thoughts on “The Psychology of Online Dating”

  1. Hi Damian,

    Congrats on meeting your wife via the online sphere. I know many successful relationships attributed to the various sites. I’ve tried many of them, and I’ve come to the conclusion that, for me, patience is the key. I do want to meet a life partner, but I’m also happy with who and where I am. This is important so that desperation doesn’t cloud my judgment. Thanks for a good post, and I look forward to future ones!

    Jenns last blog post..How to Show Up: 6 Ways to Be Present in Life

  2. Interesting Article Damien as always, I had no idea you met your wife through online dating, I have heard many bad stories as well, from friends.

    What ever happened to people meet the old fashioned way, at a bookstore, coffee shop, bar…etc

    But the key about online is you are world bound to find potential matches, not just local area, which I guess opens up better odds of meeting a compatible person.

    Dragon Bloggers last blog post..Dragon Bloggers Video Christmas List and Mega Brand Toys For Kids

  3. @Dragon Blogger: Well, I was a late bloomer. When I graduated high school in 1987 I weighed 122 lbs. 5’8″ My wife says now from pictures I was cute but the chicks were not rolling my way LOL. Around 27 I had a career, some more muscles-okay maybe a gut (170lbs by then LOL) and basically I was “blooming.” Church and bars and friends didn’t work for me but I met all four of the women who I’ve had relationships with, including Sarah, through online means. It’s a great place to find out stuff before you meet so you don’t waste your time. It’s all a mixed bag with dating.

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