Coffee Vocab

This post is from a series here I did a while back called Coffee Vocab

Serving me a simple cup of coffee is no picnic. I have drank black coffee since I was 22 (I don’t know why but lately I feel this inner need to articlulate to strangers just how old I am. It certainly isn’t to brag, my birtrhday is in June, and I am no spring chicken. – I was born in the last year of the 1960’s there, is that less tacky?) Anyway, I got a Starbucks this morning. Same thing as always . . . Hot Coffee type barista hottie says: “Can I help you?” I reply:

“Yes I’ll have a (straining to see the example cup size display to remember what medium is called at SB’s) A GRANDE mild coffee of the day.”

I always ask for mild because I used to work in a coffee house and what they teach you there is that the mild beans have more caffeine. Most people think when they say the word “strong” they are getting more caffeine . . . not the case.

To which she will add: “Room for cream sir?” and I always quickly respond determinedly aphoristically: “NO NO ROOM FOR THAT.” I do make up for my old-man like ordering with a dollar tip. I always leave a buck, just my thing. Karma? Nahhh. I just know their job sucks, and . . . my final reason:

Finally I give her one last “old man” styled quip: “Now is this thick?” I ask the girl, “Cuz if I can’t chew it (my line goes) I don’t pay for it .”

Now you know what the buck makes up for.

Author: Damien Riley

Damien Riley is a blogger, film reviewer, & podcaster who writes a column at RileyCentral.blog once a week. He has an MA in English from California State University, Fullerton. He married a high-desert princess (now his queen). They have 3 children.

4 thoughts on “Coffee Vocab”

  1. Yes indeed! The opposite of decaf is “mild.” LOL. Learned that gem-like nugget working at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at about age 26. Thanks for the comment, hope you’re doin good!

  2. I’ve been relegated to decaf since the stroke, and Starbucks doesn’t make decaf after the AM rush (go figure), so I usually get an Americano, and it’s got to be filled up to the rim. No cream or sugar. They must heat the water on the sun, it’s that hot.

    In New York, they add cream and sugar unless you catch them. First time I ordered coffee there, they started putting cream in. When I said I wanted it black, the guy didn’t put cream in, but then started to add sugar. When I said I didn’t want sugar, either, he told me that to get it that way, you ask for coffee, black, no sugar. He still put about two dozen packets of sugar (and a handful of napkins) in the bag. So remember that if you get there…

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